I Want to Be Royalty: A Mostly Tongue-In-Cheek Explanation

Let me preface this article by stating, unequivocally, that monarchies should not exist anymore, and eating the rich is our duty as Citizens of Earth.

I do not want to be royalty in the sense of setting myself above everyone else and obtaining power no one person should ever be trusted with. I’d rather be the Disney Fairy Tale sort of royalty – no responsibilities aside from not being a dick, everyone’s always happy to see you, and you get to dress up pretty and have an overly fancy picnic in the park with your friends and family and anyone passing by who’s feeling peckish, for no reason other than you feel like it.

I want to be royalty in the sense of having people to take care of me while still treating me like an adult who can be left alone for extended periods of time. I don’t want to be responsible anymore, no one taught me how to do this shit, I’ve been fighting with the DMV for days now, and I’m tired.

Give me yummy food, pretty clothes, and a neat house, and then leave me alone, please. Have someone else do my paperwork, and deal with governmental agencies, and go shopping for life essentials. Give me money for being a person forced to exist on this damned rock floating in the uncaring void.

I’ll use it to support the economy by spending it on things I actually enjoy. Like books. And video games. And movies. And taking my siblings to the beach. And spoiling my cat the way she deserves. Let me sleep in ‘til afternoon, and waste the day away doing absolutely nothing, safe in the knowledge that no one and nothing will be made worse because of it. Being a normal adult is overrated. I’d rather be royalty, thanks.

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