I’ll be honest with you, folks. I was supposed to write about Wonder Egg Priority this week, since the finale special dropped a couple days ago. It was going to be a long, thoughtful explanation of why Frill is badly implemented and the finale is absolutely awful, and then I started writing it and realized that there was no way I was going to be able to make that in any way enjoyable for any of us. But it’s now 22:00 the afternoon before I need to have an article up, which means it’s time to pick the most meaningless topic I can think of and try to make a coherent post about it.
Anyway, I just finished cleaning up my hard drive, so let’s rate the games I still have installed.
- Amnesia Memories
A Japanese dating sim, not a spin-off of the much beloved classic horror game. Haven’t finished this one yet; I got Shin’s Good ending, then got curious about Toma and tried his route, which was a Mistake. Luckily I have half a jug of wine and some powdered sweet tea so I’m ready to give this one a second chance. 3/10, would prefer NOT to have the main character be drugged and locked in a cage by a man who was lying about being her boyfriend.
- Hustle Cat
Another dating Sim! Witches who work at a cat cafe and are cursed to turn into cats. Sadly, the main character only turns into a cat properly in one ending, and you don’t get to play as them when they’re a cat, which makes it the worst possible ending. 6/10, would be higher but then I remembered that one of the routes has 19-year old Avery dating their almost 40-year old boss and while I love Graves dearly I really wish they would Not.
- Lord of the Rings Online
It’s a Lord of the Rings MMO that Ace assures me is very lore-accurate. The quests never end and I have a horse named Surly-Dan because the free temporary mount they gave me when I first started was named Surly Dan. My hobbit wanted to adventure instead of being a farmer, and then I discovered the farming mechanics and have spent roughly 10000 years getting distracted from the unending quests by them. 6/10, LotRO gets bonus points because I get to play it with my brother.
- Mass Effect Andromeda
The sequel to the original Mass Effect trilogy. I have a lot of thoughts about the music in this game, as well as a very deep and sincere love for the game itself. Favorite Mass Effect game and if you disagree that’s fine but I WILL fight you in an Arby’s parking lot if you try to tell me it’s bad. I mean it. There’s an Arby’s in walking distance of my house and I have twenty years of pent up aggression. 8/10, because I wanted to recruit Raeka and they wouldn’t let me. Also the Architects give me thresher maw flashbacks and Bioware should pay my therapy bills.
- Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney Trilogy
Haven’t finished these games yet, either, but that’s just because life got in the way and not because Edgeworth drugged Phoenix and locked him in a cage. It’s goofy and fun. I’m looking forward to getting back into it. 8/10 because I love it and all the characters but I recently downloaded a Lupin III fangame by accident and one of the endings takes place in the Ace Attorney courtroom with the Ace Attorney characters and now I can’t look at it without laughing.
- The Sims 3
It’s the Sims. I keep making my sims fix classic cars so they can afford to become farmers despite the fact none of them have any interest in cars or farming, a tradition I look forward to continuing in eight years when The Sims 4 finally brings back cars and driving. 5/10 because I Do Not Vibe with the open world, and because there isn’t a reasonably priced Complete Collection despite the fact Sims 4 has been out for 7 years.
- The Sims 4
It’s more of the Sims. There’s a farming pack coming out in July so I’m looking forward to getting reacquainted with some of my favorite Simmers for some good good vicarious plaid. 4/10 because while I have more fun with it, the fact that the complete game costs 800$ (at time of writing) is one of the reasons we here at Ace Anime Reviews have a very pro-piracy stance towards AAA games.
- Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic/Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II – The Sith Lords
Oh look it’s my favorite games! Featuring my first proper videogame crush, my first experience with mods, my first experience with not being allowed to romance a character that I desperately wanted to be able to romance, and the character first character I completely reversed my opinion on after replaying the game as an adult. 9/10, almost perfect but they lose points collectively because Sith Lords was never properly finished and has gender-locked party members for no clear reason. Bonus points for controller support, which some much beloved sci-fi trilogies didn’t manage without a remaster.
- Star Wars: the Old Republic
Oh look it’s the MMO spin-off/sequel of my favorite games. Actually ten single-player games forced to exist in an MMO framework. All eight class stories suffer for this decision. I love this game but it’s objectively bad. Also I hate the character they insist on referring to as Revan and every time he shows up my feelings towards the game as a whole take a nosedive. Haven’t finished the newest storylines because I got distracted replaying the class stories, and also because there’s a boss I can’t kill without a party and I refuse to play videogames with people other than my siblings. 6/10, this one also gets bonus points because I get to play it with my brother.
- Stardew Valley
A farming sim! Like the older BokuMono games, but more explicitly “fuck capitalism.” Never made it out of the first Spring because I always get distracted replaying BokuMono or Rune Factory. Why is Sebastian staring into the window of his own house? No one knows, but god it’s adorable. 6/10, very nice and fun to watch other people play while I try to save Venti and romance Dylas and Clorica simultaneously.
That’s all the games installed on my hard drive after Summer Cleaning! Let us know what games you’ve been playing; I, at least, am always looking for things to add to my growing hoard of unplayed Steam games.
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