A Rating of Games I Have on My Computer

I’ll be honest with you, folks. I was supposed to write about Wonder Egg Priority this week, since the finale special dropped a couple days ago. It was going to be a long, thoughtful explanation of why Frill is badly implemented and the finale is absolutely awful, and then I started writing it and realized that there was no way I was going to be able to make that in any way enjoyable for any of us. But it’s now 22:00 the afternoon before I need to have an article up, which means it’s time to pick the most meaningless topic I can think of and try to make a coherent post about it.

Anyway, I just finished cleaning up my hard drive, so let’s rate the games I still have installed.

don’t worry orion, accidentally killing the MC would not be the worst thing done to her in this game
  • Amnesia Memories

A Japanese dating sim, not a spin-off of the much beloved classic horror game. Haven’t finished this one yet; I got Shin’s Good ending, then got curious about Toma and tried his route, which was a Mistake. Luckily I have half a jug of wine and some powdered sweet tea so I’m ready to give this one a second chance. 3/10, would prefer NOT to have the main character be drugged and locked in a cage by a man who was lying about being her boyfriend.

that is the cutest prank outfit i have ever seen. please show me landry wearing it
  • Hustle Cat

Another dating Sim! Witches who work at a cat cafe and are cursed to turn into cats. Sadly, the main character only turns into a cat properly in one ending, and you don’t get to play as them when they’re a cat, which makes it the worst possible ending. 6/10, would be higher but then I remembered that one of the routes has 19-year old Avery dating their almost 40-year old boss and while I love Graves dearly I really wish they would Not.

just a normal day in the shire. image credit: Ace
  • Lord of the Rings Online

It’s a Lord of the Rings MMO that Ace assures me is very lore-accurate. The quests never end and I have a horse named Surly-Dan because the free temporary mount they gave me when I first started was named Surly Dan. My hobbit wanted to adventure instead of being a farmer, and then I discovered the farming mechanics and have spent roughly 10000 years getting distracted from the unending quests by them. 6/10, LotRO gets bonus points because I get to play it with my brother.

emotionally, i am also hanging sideways in an escape pod lodged in the side of an active volcano by my manic archeologist friend
  • Mass Effect Andromeda

The sequel to the original Mass Effect trilogy. I have a lot of thoughts about the music in this game, as well as a very deep and sincere love for the game itself. Favorite Mass Effect game and if you disagree that’s fine but I WILL fight you in an Arby’s parking lot if you try to tell me it’s bad. I mean it. There’s an Arby’s in walking distance of my house and I have twenty years of pent up aggression. 8/10, because I wanted to recruit Raeka and they wouldn’t let me. Also the Architects give me thresher maw flashbacks and Bioware should pay my therapy bills.

Miles Edgeworth and the Very Bad No Good Day
  • Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney Trilogy

Haven’t finished these games yet, either, but that’s just because life got in the way and not because Edgeworth drugged Phoenix and locked him in a cage. It’s goofy and fun. I’m looking forward to getting back into it. 8/10 because I love it and all the characters but I recently downloaded a Lupin III fangame by accident and one of the endings takes place in the Ace Attorney courtroom with the Ace Attorney characters and now I can’t look at it without laughing.

don’t worry lief, once you finish fixing up these 40000$ cars we’ll get you a house and a barn and a greenhouse and – what the fuck is a lifetime wish
  • The Sims 3

It’s the Sims. I keep making my sims fix classic cars so they can afford to become farmers despite the fact none of them have any interest in cars or farming, a tradition I look forward to continuing in eight years when The Sims 4 finally brings back cars and driving. 5/10 because I Do Not Vibe with the open world, and because there isn’t a reasonably priced Complete Collection despite the fact Sims 4 has been out for 7 years.

i dont have anything funny to say here im just happy for caleb and his newly drowning-proofed husband.
  • The Sims 4

It’s more of the Sims. There’s a farming pack coming out in July so I’m looking forward to getting reacquainted with some of my favorite Simmers for some good good vicarious plaid. 4/10 because while I have more fun with it, the fact that the complete game costs 800$ (at time of writing) is one of the reasons we here at Ace Anime Reviews have a very pro-piracy stance towards AAA games.

this man is the source of all the zabrak characters i make in swtor. you are not allowed to hug him
  • Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic/Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II – The Sith Lords

Oh look it’s my favorite games! Featuring my first proper videogame crush, my first experience with mods, my first experience with not being allowed to romance a character that I desperately wanted to be able to romance, and the character first character I completely reversed my opinion on after replaying the game as an adult. 9/10, almost perfect but they lose points collectively because Sith Lords was never properly finished and has gender-locked party members for no clear reason. Bonus points for controller support, which some much beloved sci-fi trilogies didn’t manage without a remaster.

his back must hurt from carrying all the badass in this prologue
  • Star Wars: the Old Republic

Oh look it’s the MMO spin-off/sequel of my favorite games. Actually ten single-player games forced to exist in an MMO framework. All eight class stories suffer for this decision. I love this game but it’s objectively bad. Also I hate the character they insist on referring to as Revan and every time he shows up my feelings towards the game as a whole take a nosedive. Haven’t finished the newest storylines because I got distracted replaying the class stories, and also because there’s a boss I can’t kill without a party and I refuse to play videogames with people other than my siblings. 6/10, this one also gets bonus points because I get to play it with my brother.

absolutely OBSESSED with what this dork might be looking at. image credit: Ace
  • Stardew Valley

A farming sim! Like the older BokuMono games, but more explicitly “fuck capitalism.” Never made it out of the first Spring because I always get distracted replaying BokuMono or Rune Factory. Why is Sebastian staring into the window of his own house? No one knows, but god it’s adorable. 6/10, very nice and fun to watch other people play while I try to save Venti and romance Dylas and Clorica simultaneously.

That’s all the games installed on my hard drive after Summer Cleaning! Let us know what games you’ve been playing; I, at least, am always looking for things to add to my growing hoard of unplayed Steam games.

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