I work a four hour shift on Thursdays so I usually like to stop on the way home and buy gas. Normally, this is not something worth recounting, but last night I had an Adventure wherein I ended up visiting three different gas stations in search of one with a functioning gas pump. It was truly an Epic on par with Gilgamesh.
GAS STATION 1: ARCO
This is the gas station I usually go to because I don’t have to make a left turn to get to it. It’s a perfectly fine gas station and the AMPM has those cheapass Danishes people loved the shit out of in my high school and I haven’t really seen since.
There’s an newer gas station right across the street that’s a penny cheaper per gallon, but it’s owned by the local tribe so even though I know it’s perfectly fine, I still feel like an interloper going there and also I have to make a left turn.
Anyway, usually the only problem I have is every pump being hogged by douchebags with boats, but they only spawn in the morning, which is why I go at night. Unfortunately, last night the pump I stopped at had a message on the screen that said, “This pump is stopped.” I checked the other pumps, and they all said the same thing.
I could’ve gone inside and asked an employee about it, but my mommy told me not to talk to strangers and I didn’t feel like it anyway so I left in search of another one.
RATING: 5/10 WHEN THERE ARE NO DOUCHEBAGS WITH BOATS. .5/10 WHEN THERE ARE DOUCHEBAGS WITH BOATS.
GAS STATION 2: I DON’T REMEMBER WHAT THIS ONE IS CALLED BUT IT’S GOT A CAR WASH
I don’t usually go to this one for gas because it’s more expensive than the Arco and I have to turn left to get to it, but my options were to wake up early the next day and get gas before work, or turn back the way I came and get gas at the Walmart next to my hospital and there was no way in hell I was going to do either of those.
Unfortunately, half the pumps were covered and out of order, and the one I happened to stop at had a broken screen so I couldn’t actually do anything. I would have looked around for another one, but there was a guy screaming loudly at someone either on the phone or in his head and I’m not about to deal with that shit without a plastic divider and the ability to call security so I just left.
RATING: 3/10 IT’S GOT A DRIVE-THRU MEXICAN PLACE I GO TO SOMETIMES BUT THE FOOD IS ONLY OKAY
GAS STATION 3: VALERO
This is the last gas station I stopped at and the one I most wanted to avoid, because it’s in California and comparatively cheap gas is the one thing Arizona is good for.
I had some trouble with the nozzle since California is more concerned with smog and shit than Arizona so they make you solve a 5-dimensional puzzle to pump gas, but other than that I was able to successfully fill up my poor beleaguered gas tank.
RATING 1/10 THEY CHARGE AN EXTRA 10¢ PER GALLON IF YOU PAY BY CARD AND THE PRICE IS ALREADY $2/GAL MORE THAN IN ARIZONA BUT AT LEAST I WAS ABLE TO GET GAS